I’ve been really wrangling in earnest with this “calling” of mine — to money as a sacred substance — for the past year or so. Lots of conflicts and (re)resolutions… lots of plans made and dropped, then picked up again… It’s been a little crazy-making, feeling the pull to work with money, then pulling back from it, feeling as though I just wasn’t “qualified” enough to work with it.

I’ve had to really re-think my work with money a great deal… realizing that the path that others follow is not necessarily the one I want to follow… realizing that, as much as folks need help with financial planning, there’s this other unmet need for transforming not only what we do with our money, but how we relate to our money.

The latter piece is actually the one that interests me. The piece that can’t be taught in a classroom or by a certified instructor. The piece that defies ‘certification’… period.

In the past year, I suspended my financial planner studies with Boston University, when I got to a critical mass of realization at how indoctrinated the financial planner textbooks are, how one-sided the methodology is, and how rigid the prevailing ideas are about how money “should” (and “does”) work. I don’t agree with a lot of it — my experience and my gut tell me something quite different than the stories they tell me. And I didn’t/don’t feel like being enculturated along those lines, anymore. I may resume my work with BU in the future, but right now, I’m really focusing on the spiritual and heart-centered aspects of full-spectrum wealth — and money is a vital part of that.

So, that’s where I am, basically. Going back to the roots, back to the basics… and seeing where that will take me.

Having worked in financial services for year — focusing on money management info for women, and building online tools for folks who need to manage their money independently — I’ve seen a lot of folks driven to be ‘perfect’ with regard to money. Financial advisers must be “on” all the time, bankers have to be 100% accurate, accountants can’t be off… There’s no margin for error.

I think that there’s a very human impulse to want/need perfection and control, when it comes to this territory, which can be so tricky and powerful and overwhelming. The I-must-be-super-human impulse is so strong in the financial services field, and it really convoluted a lot of things for me. Especially as I’m human, and I’m not 100% accurate all the time. There’s a lot of power in it… and if you mess up royally on a grand scale (I’m thinking S&L scandals and Subprime mortgage shenanigans), you can really do some serious damage.

But I still love to work with money… it feels very natural to me… Whether I have a lot, or a little, the energy of it is what moves me. The sacred potential of it. The power to co-create that it puts in my hands… the power to re-create my relationship with the world and the people around me.

But I’m not perfect… I’m not a multi-millionaire… I’m just a regular gal who’s willing to “go” where a lot of folks aren’t, when it comes to looking at money… so the voice that says “Who are you to talk about money?” has been pretty loud in my ear for months, now. So, I let it be… and I listened… and what I heard (and keep hearing) is that wealth and abundance and prosperity and, well, money, are as vital to our health and well-being as ever.

So, the call is back… louder and stronger and more insistent… and so I continue with this journey. Money. Abundance. Sacred Wealth… Seeing what all is there, when it comes to what wealth is truly about… Seeing what all is in here, when I think about it, feel about it, dream about it, talk about it… It really is a journey, a process… and it is sacred.

It is good.